I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
