it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
