Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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