i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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