Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
