like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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