Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
