four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
