Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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