Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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