3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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