if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
