shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am naked and annoyed.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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