Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
