Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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