the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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