I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
