I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
