so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
