question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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