community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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