Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
