so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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