Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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