a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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