Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
