I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
