I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
