So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
