I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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