You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
