U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How does one acquire holy water?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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