I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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