Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
