but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
