Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
