I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
