Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
this hospital has no fireball
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
