do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
