Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
