I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
