All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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