Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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