Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
