some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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