I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
