her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
