you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
