Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
