There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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