if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
