I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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