[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
