Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
