She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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