Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
