mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
